you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
