your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
