If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
