she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
