there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
