i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
