Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
