I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
