is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
