Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
