Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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