You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
