I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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