stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
