dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
