the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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