I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
