Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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