I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
