I'm really into asian looking animals
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this just has baby written all over it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
