hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
