i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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