I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
