Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
