i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
how drunk are you?
Several
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
