she was so not down for the gang bang
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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