omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
