just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
