I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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