OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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