I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
