Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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