I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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