About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
