dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
