just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
