pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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