Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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