i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
