I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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