Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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