Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have aggressive nipples.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
