She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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