Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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