I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
