nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
