Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
