I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
