I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I believe in your delicious
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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