It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
