we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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