I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
