im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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