Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
