Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you traded sex for a burrito?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
