she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
