he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..