you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
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i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.