You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
