"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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