i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
