he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
