I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
