Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
