She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
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