It's like God shit irony all over that family
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
