I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
