Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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