from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
