Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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