I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
