Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
