I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
