Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
