I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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