he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
