There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
