yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
