do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
