I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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