can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
