i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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