Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
