The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
