We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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