Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm too high and old for this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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