omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
