was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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