Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
