Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
