I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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