I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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