i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
