I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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