I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
